dark_soliloquy

Last night I dreamed that I was little again, and my mother bought me a big plastic castle-fort thing for little kids for my birthday. It cost her a thousand dollars, but I kept crying because I had really wanted books. And I kept asking her to buy me books and return the castle (it wasn't super big, but big enough for a smaller kid) and when she and I were running on a highway along the ocean she finally agreed that she shouldn't have tried to get me something like that when I didn't want it...o-O But she had to go to the bank, and left me in the car with the doors unlocked...we were living in the Twin Cities still, and that's not a good idea. So I locked the doors and then there was this whole little bit about me telling her that she shouldn't leave me in an unlocked car....

Yup. o-O But it was so weird -- in my dream I was actually very, very upset and sobbing and all that. What kid wouldn't want a plastic castle fort that cost a thousand dollars instead of books? I guess I'm just weird like that.

I think it was last Monday. I had a dream that I was living in my gramma Viv's old house again like I did when I was three, and the sky outside was gray and gloomy. I looked out the window to see little bits of ash falling from the sky; it looked like they were bits of bark coming off a dead tree or something. Then my mom turns on the TV -- every channel is running a feed on how terrorists set off a dirty bomb on the US. Apparently my mind takes "dirty bomb" and gives me bits of ash falling from the sky. Which is exactly what doesn't happen. x.x Excuse me. Anyhow, we shut all the windows quickly (like that would help) and decide to go out and stock up on stuff (I remember thinking "Sundrop"). But first i have to take a shower. A very long shower. So I take my shower, take my tiiime...and when I come out, they're kind of just sitting around like they're in a stupor. Probably shock. We never did go to the store; it got pretty cold out. o-x

Diaryland is being an ass. So I'm posting this here

QUOTE:

"Body: This is a newsletter that St. Mary's church in Colorado Springs sent out this week:

If Your Child is a Gothic, Reform Through the Lord!

Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your child may have gone astray from the Lord. Gothic (or goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in.
The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil, darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through counselling, prayer, and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child:

-Frequently wears black clothing.

-Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.

-Wears excessive black eye makeup, lipstick or nailpolish.

-Wears any odd, silver jewelry or symbols. Some of these include: reversed crosses, pentagrams, pentacles, ankhs or various other Satanic worshipping symbols.

-Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.

-Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)

-Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.

-Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.

-Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.

-Takes drugs.

-Drinks alcohol.

-Is suicidal and/or depressed.

-Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation. (This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)

-Complains of boredom.

-Sleeps too excessively or too little.

-Is excessively awake during the night.

-Dislikes sunlight or any other form of light. (This pertains to vampires promoting the idea that His light is of no use.)

-Demands an unusual amount of privacy.

-Spends large amounts of time alone.

-Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your child may speak to evil sprits through
meditation.)

-Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.

-Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.

-Misbehaves at school.

-Misbehaves at home.

-Eats goth-related foods. Count Dracula cereal is an example of this.

-Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood.
(Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very
dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)

-Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your
child may watch.)

-Plays videos games that contains violence or are of a role-playing nature.

-Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.

-Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.

-Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.

-Expresses an interest in sex.

-Masturbates

-Is homosexual and/or bisexual.

-Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism, Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.

-Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".

-Claims to be a goth.

If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.

~St. Mary's Catholic Church"

:UNQUOTE

Wow, I'm gothic and I wasn't even trying. I don't think they realize what gothic, even the stereotypical one, really is. They pretty much bash everyone who isn't an obsessed priest. Hell, I bet they bumped off a few dedicated church-goers with that statement. I thought most of those were normal for a teenager? Like the 'sleeps too much' (which, if misinformed, could mean sleeping ten hours a day -- also expected of a teenager), and the sex and masturbation, and privacy, and wanting to be alone. There, those are five things that are considered to be perfectly normal for a kid, and then there's the cable TV and RPGs they're harping about. I'm surprised they have any members at all, in fact. And I don't want to hear the "they're Catholics" shit, either.

Really now, and they wonder why many young people are coming to disregard the church? I don't see how masturbation and expressing an interest in sex is a warning sign that you might be "gothic," nor do I see how being homosexual or bisexual is. And playing RPGs?

Lord have mercy on their souls. XD
(I hope they burn in Hell. Muahaha.)

What I love about aduialelcuina is how she puts enthusiasm into everything she does.
What I love about badtazmaru is her agreeability but strength in conviction.
What I love about celebrindae is how she will write down every single detail about everything, always. Makes for a good read.
What I love about gemkazoni is how she seems to be very nice (although we don't talk much!)
What I love about gnawingtreebark is her sense of humor and her casual attitude. It's so easy to talk to her.
What I love about groovybluesgirl is how she will invite me over for tea after I've thrown her in a mud puddle.
What I love about han_futsu is that they totally put me on their friends list. xD
What I love about kaeru_chan is her compassion, unfailing conscience, and patience.
What I love about rlongbottom is his strange humor. o-O Seriously, though, it's still kinda funny. xDD
What I love about shin_inu is talking to her at midnight while I valiantly try to use a sewing machine.
What I love about umi_sama is that she seems to be very, very happy. o-o

I don't know what I was there for, exactly. A dark forest of pines in the hills, riding into a space between a fence and a great big house. I heard someone following me and jumped off the horse and over the wall, landing on another part of the yard. I ducked in through a door, finding myself in a downward-slanting hallway, very wide with a low ceiling. It opened up into a more house-like hallway, with walls sticking out of the walls like half-barriers. I decided it would be a good idea to climb on top of the walls -- none of them went all the way up to the ceiling, far from it. The part I was now in was larger, with white walls in the hallway and darker brown ones around the corner; carpeted white in the hall but hardwood around the corner. I decided it would be a good idea to make some noise -- just to get people's attention and lead them on a good hunt. A few younger children came running around the corner, I knocked over the wall I was balancing on and tore into the next room. They had vanished, but a woman was watching me from the entrance to the hallway -- I looked up and saw a huge bookcase, but it was blocking a set of heavy wooden double doors. Part of the doors I could see, so I wasn't sure if it was on purpose or not. The room was cluttered with a lot of furniture, most of it made of dark wood -- chairs, tables, shelves upon shelves and even an old piano. I started pushing the bookcase out of the way, trying to fit it between a piano and a big table -- but I looked up and saw the woman, and figured I would be in trouble at the very least. I ran to the opposite side of the hall and down another ramp-hall like the one I had come in on, only finding that I was back in my room, only it seemed bigger and more airy. I was there to change into a better dress, but ended up grabbing my purse instead and heading back without changing. I ran back through the room and into a glass-ceilinged room. Someone came running at me and I jumped -- really jumped, mind you, into the air before coming back down and jumping up again. Sometimes I could hover and other times I flew, but mostly it was jumping -- I couldn't hold it for long. The woman and I went outside to what looked like my old highschool, by an SUV. I looked towards one of the windows and saw someone watching me. I smiled and she smiled, I made a face and so did she. We couldn't hear each other or know who the other person was, but it was an odd sort of rapport. I took a picture of her and went back to change into my dress -- the lady was leaving, and I didn't want to go so soon. I liked it in this world better than my own, I could run around and fly and be sneaky...this reminds me of another dream I had, for some reason never put up here.

I was on a trip to a very strange aquarium. There were rooms filling with water, some completely underwater, and places you could only get to by swimming or going into the tanks with the animals. I walked through the otters' room and fed them, running because it was one of the flooding parts. Taking a short walk on the second floor by a pool with dolphins in it, I saw one of them standing erect on the water, watching me. Another tugged at my sleeve as I passed, holding me there until I fed them all. I was running around, whether in fun or fear, but I found myself in a boat in an underwater cavern. Someone wanted to trap me there, or at least keep me. There was an island in the middle of the lake, all rock, but furnished with a few things that would make it less than hell to stay there. There was a shark in the water when I tried to find an exit -- that's just pretty all of that one.

Which reminds me of another one. x.x I was running down a long street in Dawson with an older man; we climbed up a very steep hill towards a house -- the stairs on the hill were old and rotten; my leg went right through one and cut it when I didn't notice how bad it was. We got in there and it was like the library from the other tall building...only there were other people there, and we were all dressed up as people. I found out I had come with a family as the cast of Peter Pan -- I was Wendy, but we'd had to leave Michael at home because he was throwing tantrums...they said "next year if he's a big boy, he can be Michael." They started letting people into the hallways that led to the theatre, and there were all these different ways to go. I left the people I was with and found the way to the theatre the fastest, while it was still unlit and empty. I sat down on a blanket under an awning, glad for the nap -- but then other people began to show up. The production didn't have a real plot, but a bunch of different little skits and stunts to entertain. I found my way out and started to explore the lower levels -- they were freaky. There were machines, great big creaturelike robots and things that looked like humans spliced with horrible things hooked up to life support systems and other sorts of machines. I found one other person who was also lost, and we started to find the way back to the outside of the house -- there was a metal room filled with water we swam through -- before we could get to the grate that would let us out, the sharks started swarming towards us. I accidentally let out a lot of air as one grabbed my leg, but the other person yanked it away and knocked me upwards towards the grate. I climbed out and waited, but they never followed me. The study I was in was totally empty; I went outside...yeah. Kind of like that dream where I went back to sixth grade and found a secret attic room that I couldn't fit into, or the time where there was too much stuff in my attic and I had to clean it, only the great bit pile caught on fire...ack. x.x

WHY do all my dreams make me remember dreams I've already had but forgotten? x.x *thunk*

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dark_soliloquy

I was at camp, and we were gathering in the lodge for supper. No one was sitting at Twig's table, so I sat by her. She didn't look at me or talk to me. I cried. Old dream of about a week. =/

Our school was putting on a play...instead of a set, the curtains were just open for the complex lighting that we were going to be using. The main character was siging "On My Own" under all this blue light, and a bunch of other cast members and I were sneaking behind in the background because we were both late and on the wrong side of the stage. I waited because I was scared, so I had to go across all by myself and hope that no one noticed me. All of a sudden everything went black and I was alone; I ran to the door by the backstage stairs. It had a window in it with blinds covering it. I opened the blinds and a piece of warning noise played -- like I wasn't supposed to look through them. Someone in a mask was standing on the other side out in the hallway, telling me if I looked through too soon I would be punished. I sat down and ate a candy bar, and listened to music...trying to forget about this horrible thing that was happening. As soon as I began to feel at ease the noise came again and the man told me I had to get out, because he'd done something that was going to make the auditorium explode. It was...I don't know...very frightening, to say the least. I tried to open the door but it wouldn't open, and I saw the masked man with a sort of rolling platform...I banged on the window and yanked down the blinds; I needed to get out FAST. Finally I climbed up onto the stair railing and smashed my feet and legs through the window, rolling and falling forwards through the shattered glass. My feet planted on the man's chest and he went down hard -- somehow he pushed me back through the door and shut the window, where I found a computer with a website running on it, with a keyboard but no mouse. It was something I could talk to him through...he told me something like we were all trapped but we had to get away...

The door opened this time, and I ran out -- alternately hiding from and with the man, at one point tumbling down a long ramp and landing at the bottom flat on my back...it was that rolling platform I'd seen earlier, and we were moving somewhere. Still terrified, still controlled, but it was moving. Maybe someone was pulling it, or maybe we were floating...it felt like it...floating where? It didn't matter, because I didn't have to worry about it.

Muh. All these masculine figures popping up in my dreams probably represent and make up for the lack of male presence/authority/affection in my regular life. It's not like they're romantic dreams, either, just where there are frequently men. o-O As of late, many of my dreams have had music and theatre in them. Probably what I'm missing from school that I can't get at home...I keep dreaming that either I have to leave or everyone disappears -- that may be a subconscious fear or maybe something that will happen again (hell, we know it's happened before). Maybe just overall a want for someone responsible and protective, damnit. x.x

o-o;; Yeah, that's exactly what I thought. Two-part dream. One part...I was at Tamahay, in a trailer house participating in some kind of activity. I was with Cleo, and we walked back towards the lodge, stepping on all these people on the hill who were wrapped in towels, almost like a bridge. I was helping set up for something, and then the second part started. I was dressed in this...dress. It was very voluminous and fancy, like something a duchess might have worn. In fact, I was a duchess. Or at least in a play that was being performed in a professional theatre. For some reason I had just been cast that day, and was trying to learn my lines as fast as I could before going onstage. I was only a major character in one or two scenes, so I didn't have too much to worry about -- but enough to make me incredibly nervous. Somehow everything cluttering my school's backstage auditorium was on the wings, and people had to crawl over everything (including the huge stairs/balcony we built for the mansion in Annie). It was so noisy backstage because people kept dropping things or falling from very up high (including a lot of porcelain cat-shaped lamps without shades or bulbs. Colored a nice seafoam gray/green color). I'm squinting at my script and I suddenly realize these lines are being said onstage, so I rush out on the thing we use to wheel stands around...and find that it's not the right time for me to go on...and it's the big climactic scene right before intermission that I've ruined. I manage to fall off the stage before I run into anyone, fleeing up one of the exit ramps and into the lobby. I am absolutely mortified. This is it, this is the end of everything. I take secret routes and back passages to my dressing room, which is actually kind of like a mini bedroom (because I was living there, or something) and start rummaging around, throwing everything in a big pile on the floor and basically just trashing the place out of frustration at myself. It was like an astral breakdown -- a mental snapping in my own dream. Finally I decide I have to leave before anyone finds me, and as I go out the door I see a man coming up the ramp looking for me, I think it was the man playing the Duke. A little song was going on in my mind, but no one was actually singing. It was almost like he was hugging me, but more like trying to drag me back to the stage so I could get a grip and finish the play. I didn't want to, but we ended up dancing back there anyhow, because I was too stubborn to walk and if he let go of me I would have hauled ass away from there. We both knew it. =/ He wore a very nice suit...kinda flamboyant and bedecked with stuff, but what else could you expect to be on a Duke's costume in a dramatic work of art? I was totally out of it and not even thinking coherently...bluh. x.x

(endif:duke=companionship, sense of duty; costume=dreams; clutter=sense of life, problems, reality; running=escape, fear; theatre=joy, talent, prestige; falling=desperation, giving up; rushed=pressure, fear, expectations set too high;)

I've decided to analyze my dreams. o-O

It wasn't all a musical. But it was really close enough. It started out in winter, in the barn at my dad's old hobby farm. It had been turned into a kind of odd maze dungeon thing, and it was taking forever for me to get out of it (especially since it was so cold). I finally got out and had this notion that there was something bad out in the pastures...hey, it was nighttime, and I couldn't tell. So I tried to get back in the house but the door was locked, and I ran around outside forever. I went into my old playhouse, really more of a shed, and found Brittany sitting in there playing with a few chickens. Her mom was over in one corner talking to something, and so I sat down next to Brittany. We got kind of tired and sprawled out, randomly deciding to burst into song. We laid there forever singing West Side Story and Phantom of the Opera, and then her mom told us it was time to leave because they'd found us. So I got scared, pacing around until I realized the porch door was unlocked. My dad was sitting at the kitchen counter waiting for me to come back, and I told him I was late because I couldn't get out of the barn. I went looking around and found this meeting downstairs, where people I didn't know where voting on whether I should be under house arrest or go to a correctional facility. For some reason I felt being arrested at home would be the worst thing ever, and joined the debate. It turned into a debate on why my father's word should be trusted (he had wanted me to go to the facility, too), and I said all this stuff like how his age gave him knowledge and how he was a teacher and very smart, etc, and I think they decided to let me go to that place.

I went back upstairs quickly, finding that Sandra (stepmother) had a bunch of yellow ribbons in a weird shape. She told me that we were moving. I ran into my bedroom and two other boys were there -- they were kids, like me, and we were going to escape before the thing found us. One cut the screen with a knife and I ripped it farther open; after that we all were able to climb down and start running down the gravel driveway and towards the neighboring farm (an actual farm, though). They seemed to like me better than my two brothers there, because when they showed us how to make a mixing device out of wire they always let me hold the bowl and carry it around, even though we really needed to put a mirror in it to make it work. I ended up running to the office building we'd just moved into, but met Sam and Kirsten behind it. We were trying to climb down a tunnel that led to the stairs. Sam went first, but she was scared -- eventually she ended up falling the twenty feet. There wasn't a proper ladder, only a stiff pair of vine-things to hold onto. I was next, and we didn't wait for Kirsten. I wiggled out of the little stairwell and went inside -- it turned into something like I had to save everyone. I remember grinding up two really cartoonish-looking Buddha statues for an explosive powder that would get rid of the things that were terrorizing the place. The monsters kept putting explosives everywhere, and I had to put mine next to all of them to counteract it or whatever. It got really tricky when they started putting them in stuff like pencils or suckers, because then I'd have to make one like it and not get the two confused when I came back for it.

There was more, maybe, but it all had this really creepy, unreal feel around it. =/

At first I was just at a dentist's office with someone. We were having appointments near the same time, and I guess we kind of knew each other. She had to have a cavity filled or whatever, but it didn't take so long. When I got up there they poked around as usual, but told me I had a cavity too -- no big deal, I mean, with novocaine you don't feel it at all. Then they told me they weren't going to use any painkillers, because their clinic didn't support the use of drugs...or something like that. So I got really freaked out, and after they were done scraping my tooth I left. I know in real life you just can't walk away from things like that, but it was nice all the same. And then I went to school, only it was a kind of boarding school. A friend and I snuck into the kitchen, and planned to make some really good food since the cooks were gone that day and had only left some really greasy chicken for the people to eat. =/ We were in the process of making a general mess (I think it was Theresa and I, actually) when I suddenly noticed someone else that had come into the kitchen but not seen us. I ducked behind a counter and tried to get my friend's attention, but the person didn't see her either. She stood there for a long time and then just left. So we continued, having decided we were going to make a cake of sorts. Then I turn around and my second cousin Derek is sitting in one of those butterfly chairs behind me, scaring the crap out of me. He promises not to get the principal if we let him have some cake when it's done. More and more people start showing up, making so much noise that eventually Bergeson did show up. I'm not exactly sure why that was a bad thing, but I snuck out again before she could get me and give me a detention, or some kind of boarding-school grounding whatever. We never did get the cake.

I finally found my way to the river, where a bunch of people were going on a kayak trip. Although my school does a similar thing, I didn't know any of these people. Things went okay for the first while until a few of us had to leave the kayaks behind and parasail instead (if that's what you call it when the boat pulls you through the air on that parachute thing. x-x I feel stupid now). One other person and I had to -- it turned into this almost videogame-like setting where we had to go either under or over these buildings and bridges that the damn boat kept dragging us toward. I did pretty decently until I went over a bridge when I should have gone under -- the rope attaching me to the boat bent two ways; I was dragged down and backwards across the pavement and under the water, totally tangled in my harness; the parachute was a kind of smothering force instead of an uplifting one once it got wet. All the people were crowding around and blaming the boat driver for making me parasail when I had no idea what I was really doing. It was hectic, and no two people were doing exactly the same thing. I remember being pissed off because they were all so busy trying to figure out who was wrong and what they should do, that no one was actually helping me. I eventually got out somehow with someone, and they put me in this weird machine half in the water that started sucking all the blood that had accumulated in my lungs after the accident. It was weird, because I was watching myself in the machine instead of actually being in it. Somehow I got out after it had only taken a few ounces of blood, trying to get back with the original group.

This is sort of like the one where I fell off the choir risers and wasted my voice, only this time I didn't die. o-O We were singing, and there was a word that started with "g". So, you know, to make it sound nice you're supposed to make an "n" sound before it...and we did that, only the director told us that it was wrong, and if we were going to sing we had to learn this new way. o-x That was one of the most confusing things that has ever happened. I take forever learning how to sing the word "guide" or whatever it was, only to be told it was wrong. Only the choir was really small, and she singled me out because apparently I did it the worst. I know this is kind of scatterbrained, but all I can remember is bits and pieces.

Two separate dreams, but kind of the same idea behind them. They make me feel weird when I think about them, kinda creeped out even though nothing really creepy is going on. There is always this person there, just watching. A person I know, of course, but hey. =X In the first one I was in this building that connected to a lot of different things, and I went into the bathroom and threw up (I've never thrown up in a dream before. That's an odd feeling), and when I looked up the person was standing there. Same thing in another dream, I was in the band hallway and got dizzy, falling over and kinda ... well, not really fainting. But I was laying there for a second, and the person was there standing over me.

Now that I think about it, it was kind of creepy.

I haven't had a dream in ages. I was...different.

And a new genre. Never had a HP dream before. I was feeling sad; depressed, so I figured I was sick. I went to see Snape so he could make me a potion to get rid of it, and he said he would and I left. I went outside and there was a big winter party going on. We weren't supposed to get on the ski lift that would take us to the bigger part of the party yet, but I did anyhow because I claimed I knew how to make it stop if things went wrong. But for some reason things DID go wrong and I couldn't stop the lift, so I had to try not to fall off while it kind of ran away with me. Eventually it quit but I was hanging so far above the ground that I couldn't do anything but hang there...and then it started again, but a part of a tower became a window and someone pulled me into it. I was in big trouble...but they let me go, and I went to see if my potion was ready. He had forgotten, so I had to draw him a picture of the problem (maybe he was just trying to get me out of his hair). It was the outline of a human body with these black lines through it when it was done, a big black smudge for the heart. I suddenly realized what I'd done and ran off to the bathrooms to cry, but someone was in there so I ran out before they could recognize me and try to stop me. I went outside and there was a sort of pool thing, but apparently I had died in it once before so I wasn't supposed to touch the water. A few other people were climbing around on the rock parts and I had to wade through the water in order to get to a different spot, but the water kind of held me. It was like I had a hard time climbing out of it or stepping anywhere; I had to get someone to pull me out because I was so weak from it. I saw the shark before it got there; I was out already. The ridge of stone was very narrow and I knew it was waiting for me, then Dauphin was playing with us and the shark attacked him. I tried to drag him up on the ledge but the shark got a hold of my skirt when I did and I had to let go or get dragged in too... The water got all murky, so I couldn't see where it was to know if it was safe to try to cross again. I ended up back in the castle and someone had drugged Snape; he was sitting there all stoned with some other people just laughing at things, and I got mad because I wanted him to help me and he wasn't even trying. I pointed out to him how embarassing that was for him and he agreed, but again didn't seem to care.

Meh. =/

I haven't been able to remember my dreams a lot lately. There was one I had...upon waking up around four in the morning I decided I would call it the "Absolute Value Dream" in order to remember it. Well, I didn't remember it -- but I remember that I called it that. Anyhow, since you're probably here for the dreams I DO remember (which is odd, seeing as no one comes here anyhow)...here we go.

One part of it was at an outdoor pool with lots of plants growing around the edges, especially in one corner. The whole thing was surrounded by a very tall chain link fence, and it felt very small and cramped. There were different kinds of frogs all around, most very large -- they looked either dangerous or poisonous, so I stayed away from them. Near the deep edge of the pool was a lifeguard-type woman sitting by someone's suitcase. In it were fins, towels, and generally other sorts of swimming things. My hair was wet, so I borrowed a towel to put it up in. The next thing to come out of the suitcase was a snake, and I wasn't afraid of it until the lady got all hysterical about how it was going to attack me. I dove into the water with the towel still on my head, and this apparently made her very pissed at me because the person it belonged to would get angry at her. I decided to leave -- couldn't find an exit, but that was okay...because I found myself at the bottom of a very steep hill in an old decrepit-looking carnival. I wanted my mom to go on the rollercoaster with me (she hates rollercoasters), but she didn't want to -- so we decided to follow it up the hill in our car. The demon-looking thing running it was sitting in the back part of it and throwing cartoonish-looking bombs at us. I suggested that it might be a bad idea to keep following it if he was going to throw explosives at us, but I guess my opinion didn't matter enough or something. At the top of the hill all sorts of kids were standing in a big circle holding things that looked like a cross between matches and torches. They were supposed to light them on fire and kindle everyone else's -- I told the demon-man we weren't going on the ride, so he let us step out and back down the hill.

Then I was in an awfully musty-looking church, with grey-white-blue walls and dusty windows. The place was freezing. I was eating a Skor bar and reading a book while the pastor stood up front in total silence (both him and me, I suppose). He looked at me and I got the feeling he was mad at me for eating in church, so I put the candy bar underneath my book and on top of my other books, and then someone asked me if I felt so stubborn why didn't I give something to the church. They wanted me to give them the blobs (Mr. Blob, Mrs. Blob, Rebellious Teenage Blob...CJ will know what I'm talking about.) =X So I did that because I didn't want them anymore; they all seemed really old and lacking most of their blob-filling. There was another bit where another man in the church was going to attack me, but the snake from the pool was all of a sudden in his path and not too happy, so I got away while I had the chance. <3

I often have trouble spelling my own username to log into this place. Oo;; And this journal has been seeing more entries than my actual online journal. And typos. x.x But here it is:

I think I was some kind of animal, because...it felt like I was. Shut up. -_- I was wandering all over the place, searching for something. In some places there were people who pretended to like me, in other places they hated me, and in more other places I didn't seem to exist to them at all. One part was after walking out of a baggage compartment on a train I got lost in a swamp, and found a family of wildcats. Most wouldn't let me near them (suspicions increase that I may have been a fox or a wolf) or their kittens, but one mother did. I picked the kitten up in my jaws and swam around with it before putting it back down. It just kind of floated there and I was all horrified because there had finally been someone who trusted me and liked me and then I had to go and do something like kill their kitten. Child. x-x But apparently it wasn't dead because then it started swimming back to its mother. It told me something like "you killed me," even though I could clearly see it wasn't dead. So I left and kept wandering.

This is actually a pretty good one -- as in I can remember it more clearly. Or at least I thought I could. x-x Gimme a few moments here. Hm...okay, got it. =/ I was walking downtown in a city at night, but for some reason everything seemed really big and overwhelming. Maybe I was just really small that day. oO;; I was with someone else (think it might've been Seth, actually). We went up a short flight of stairs to a frosted glass door -- an old man opened it for us, but he didn't look like he wanted to let me in. I got to go in anyhow, only to find that it's this big house with a library that (for some reason) needs me to walk around in it. Various fires have been started in the library, and I go around putting them out. Some come out of bookshelves, others up from the floor. A few came from the top of very tall bookshelves that I had to climb onto and jump from shelf to shelf in order to beat the flames out. They always seemed to be coming back, though, so I finally just gave up trying to save the library and ran out before anyone could notice I wasn't doing my job. I am unclear as to whether anyone actually ever ordered me to keep the library from burning down, but I guess it probably goes without saying that someone wanted me to.

So I got out the door and realized I wasn't wearing the right kind of pants for sneaking around and not getting caught by the police, which were exceptionally fierce in that part of the city. Hm....yes, black pants would have been ideal. So I turn the corner and start walking quickly away from the streetlights, towards my dresser that's kind of shoved in between two decrepit buildings. I change out of my somehow more noticeable pants and into something like sweatpants, and start backing up towards the street because I've seen something coming from the other end of the street. Then I turn around. It feels like I'm being watched, but I don't see anyone. I look down to see a camera hidden in the sidewalk, a little red light blinking. Don't ask me how I could see infrared. oO;; So I realize I'm probably not in a very good spot...and run back towards downtown, but end up in this giant tunnel. A lot of blue lights are behind me; I realize this is sort of a cabin complex where Lydia lives. (I don't know why the police were mad at me. Really.) So I ended up getting EVERYONE in this little unit up out of bed (there were about eleven people sharing this huge bed because there wasn't room for eleven beds). They agreed to hide me from the police. Jess commented that she'd forgotten to close the front door, and there was a policeman standing in front of it waiting for someone to answer the door. So we all got up and crowded into the front door. He gave the people the names of who he was looking for -- Kali, Bia, and Carrie. I wasn't on the list at all. But why had they been chasing me if I wasn't in trouble?

"You don't have to let him do that."
"I'm sure my lord has misunderstood."
"What could there be to misunderstand? And how do your clothes come to such a state?"
"Surely you do not expect every lady to be dressed in our king's finery, sir."
"And over your brow?"
"You would think nothing of an old wound."
"The paste is fresh on it."
"I have yet to finish my drink - would you allow me that?"
"It is more than your first."

...

"And what would a maid have - to best me with a fork and her tray?"
"Now that you wound me in the foot it takes a peculiar quality. See, as I lie here I may trace a shining red circle with it."
"It was upon your own sword."
"You could not deny me that."

...

All right. I'm going to quickly type this up in the last ten minutes I have before I am sequestered in my room for the night. Enjoy.

It was the same place where the man was running and I was hanging from a tree...but that's not this dream, aiaia. x.x It was the forest-park, though. I was there - although I think I was a deer or something kind of big and invisible. There were hunters after the deer, and I was all right with it, even though I was helping them to find safe paths through the woods that the hunter's weren't hiding in. It felt like..."yeah, so there are hunters. It happens, and I'm okay with it. But I'll help them anyhow, because they asked me." There was one particular part where there was a deer and two smaller deer (none of them had antlers; I couldn't distinguish male and female). The hunter was in front of the deer and he shot it, and looked like he was going to kill the fawns, too, but I picked them up and just kind of...walked away. oO;; And that was the end of that. The deer were all reddish, with white bellies and throats. Very long-legged and sorta gazelle-ish. When I was helping them to pick out the paths I could see the whole scene from above; knowing where everything and everyone was. We weren't scared of the hunters, we just wanted to live for a little while longer.

I guess I haven't updated in a while, huh? *sigh* I've had lotsa dreams, but not all that I remembered enough to put here. Fwee...

It was Whazzit Weyrd, at the dragon hatching...except that it was onstage in my school instead of on sands. We didn't have real dragons, so Cassie and Shawna were wearing paper dragon costumes...Mr. Linneman, my drama teacher, was rolling ladder-like dice to see who Impressed what, but only later on. I Impressed a yellow dragon, and her name started with an E...Ekreith, I think, or Endith. Anyhow, the teacher only had to roll the ladders for the last few dragonets, because everyone there had Impressed and he didn't know who to double-bond to (never mind the fact dragons can't double Impress, but hey) - I ended up getting the gold, but I didn't want her, because I already had Ekynth (hey, I told you I wasn't sure of her name. x.x)...and I guess I liked yellow better than gold. *blink* Yellow is a non-shiny form of gold. >_> Hm... I remember being disappointed at first with Eldeth (yes, I think that's it...Eldeth), because she was first to hatch and I wanted to wait for a while, but...yeah. oO;; And somewhere down the line there WERE real dragonets instead of people in origami-ish paper costumes. I don't really remember seeing any other dragons (not even the gold I was supposed to have bonded to in the end) besides Eldeth, and no other people stood out clearly besides Linneman and Cassie. I don't even recall any eggs. oO;; Eh.

I was in choir practice, only the risers were much taller and there was no railing or shell - like the old ones, before the school finally shelled out the money to fund better ones. I was on the back, and we were in the middle of some kind of dance move. I lost my balance and fell to the stage below, landing flat on my back. Mallika came in and briefly mourned about how people were wasting such good voices those days before leaving. The song continued without me; no one had noticed. I got up a few minutes later, extremely sore but alive. I walked through the school, briefly resting in a new closet office with the security camera before meeting up with L'ki...I was invisible to him, but I told him (it was the character, not the RPer) that I was his guardian angel, named Damien. He didn't believe me, but I followed him anyhow, floating around near the ceiling... That rolly platform I rode on the other day came crashing at him and I lifted him upwards and over the stairs - he could see me, and believed who I was.

Different dream. There were werewolves, but they were more like full wolf anthros than real werewolves. Britta chased me into the bathroom with a few others, and pulled me out of my hiding corner - the lights went out and someone furry was hugging me. I felt safe and protected, even though I knew he was going to kill me eventually.

Different dream. A great dark room, with an icy unicorn and a fair lady (Kia, only with long, straight hair...) dancing on the misty stage - so elegant and mysterious with long pink ribbons and an enchanting song. Low shelves filled with toys filled the area below the stage - every sort of thing imaginable, even candy. I was there with a few others, and someone else was trying to keep us from playing with the toys. Apparently they were for sale, and we didn't have any money. Since the shelves were about chest level we had to crouch everywhere we went. It was suspenseful with the thrilling threat of being caught and knowing what we were doing was dangerous.

Different dream. This one repeated itself a few times, but differently. I was in a large apartment with a circular layout - different doors led everywhere, like a maze. It was so small, cramped...I'm not a claustrophobic person, but it just seemed too tight. The rooms were much bigger, however, light and airy with white walls and carpet; sea green furniture and plenty of windows letting in all the sun...high ceilings and bowls filled with chocolate. The hallways had railings on the sides and blue carpet...the doors were all white, with golden knobs. An elevator could take you to any floor, but the numbers were all screwed up and I couldn't figure out a pattern. The fifth floor was like a whole grand hall, with wooden walls and grandiose features. I was running from someone, but eventually forgot them in my search for the right room.

Different dream. I was in Boston, in the car with my mom and ACDC (burmese kittah). We were going to a Wal-Mart sort of mall, very fancy with fountains and elevators...stuff like that. I left AC in the car while we went inside - it was really very disappointing and mundane, so I went back to check on ACDC. He was so thirsty that he was panting, so I took my mom's water bottle and poured some in a dish for him. I think I went back in to get her and tell her we had to leave because AC wasn't feeling good, but I don't remember.

All of those dreams after the first were not last night's - I just hadn't gotten around to putting them up here. Enjoy...